You know when you meet someone for the first time and talk to them and then feel like you shouldn't waste any more time apart from them? Because I do. You also know that feeling where you meet someone for the first time and then want to be around them all the time but it's a very one sided feeling?
Because I do.
And I am one of those people who say everyone in your life is there for a reason. I believe that whole-heartedly. So that's why it's so confusing when you feel like someone should be in your life, but they obviously don't feel the same way.
I mean, really? I don't understand how a connection like that could be one-sided. Thinking about it, I get a little down on myself.
And then looking at my life, I see all the people that WANT to be there, because they make the effort. It's a mutual thing. And that is a good feeling when you realize people want to be a part of your world. So the way I see it, the people who should be in your life are the people who make an effort to stay there.
I'm not going to stop trying to be a part of that person's world if I feel so strongly about it, but in the end it's not enough if I'm the only one who feels that way.
Relationships are very double-sided, and in the end if one person is trying and the other isn't, then it can't work. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
I'm still trying to understand why it's not meant to be, but maybe I won't know for a while. Or maybe it's just not supposed to happen right now in my life. Either way, it does me no good to sit and try to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I just need to surround myself with the people who want to a part of my life. That's the only way to truly be happy.
Oct 21, 2011
Jul 20, 2011
beemo
fake people make me want to.....
love everyone.
haha didn't see that one coming huh? well they do. just make me want to be better. and not fault them. or hate them. but they also make me want to explode. I mean seriously explode.
because what's so cool about being the same as everyone else?
and lying? and being mean behind people's backs and then pretending you are best friends again?
nothing, I say. nothing at all.
one time I went around the house telling people to guess what, I'm not a robot
well guess what??? I really would not like to be a robot.
love everyone.
haha didn't see that one coming huh? well they do. just make me want to be better. and not fault them. or hate them. but they also make me want to explode. I mean seriously explode.
because what's so cool about being the same as everyone else?
and lying? and being mean behind people's backs and then pretending you are best friends again?
nothing, I say. nothing at all.
one time I went around the house telling people to guess what, I'm not a robot
well guess what??? I really would not like to be a robot.
the rest is still unwritten
I love books.
man oh man do I love books.
I love being inside someone else's head for 300 glorious pages. because it gives you such an empathy for others and a new perspective on life. I read two really good books in the past two days.
it's beautiful to be invited into someone's world like that. in a way only a book can let you.
and at the end, the very last page, you are sad to say goodbye
that's the only thing I hate about a good book
it's like a window into someone's life
and then that's it
the window is closed
and that is their story
just a fraction of their lives and the rest to your imagination
I am always sad to say goodbye
it's nice to think of your life as a book
and to look at everything as a blank page and an opportunity for something
honestly. think of how different your life would be if you always INVITED something wonderful to happen
not just wish it
invite it
welcome it with open arms and release your inhibitions
I mean, Natasha bedingfield really had something going with this one:
"staring at the blank page before you
open up the dirty window
let the sun illuminate the words that
you cannot find"
all your life is an openbook that you are writing
this is YOUR MOMENT
this is your opportunity to craft the kind of story you would want to read
whether it be action, romance, drama, (fantasy?)
the choice is yours. and always will be.
I was also thinking about the typical book heroine
headstrong, bold, kind of obnoxious, always unique
and I thought "why aren't there ever any quiet mild mannered heroines"
and then I realized
it's the people that stand up and do something that are really making beautiful words out of their lives
the possibilities are out there
the choice is ours
because the rest is still unwritten
books are awesome
book analogies are even better
man oh man do I love books.
I love being inside someone else's head for 300 glorious pages. because it gives you such an empathy for others and a new perspective on life. I read two really good books in the past two days.
it's beautiful to be invited into someone's world like that. in a way only a book can let you.
and at the end, the very last page, you are sad to say goodbye
that's the only thing I hate about a good book
it's like a window into someone's life
and then that's it
the window is closed
and that is their story
just a fraction of their lives and the rest to your imagination
I am always sad to say goodbye
it's nice to think of your life as a book
and to look at everything as a blank page and an opportunity for something
honestly. think of how different your life would be if you always INVITED something wonderful to happen
not just wish it
invite it
welcome it with open arms and release your inhibitions
I mean, Natasha bedingfield really had something going with this one:
"staring at the blank page before you
open up the dirty window
let the sun illuminate the words that
you cannot find"
all your life is an openbook that you are writing
this is YOUR MOMENT
this is your opportunity to craft the kind of story you would want to read
whether it be action, romance, drama, (fantasy?)
the choice is yours. and always will be.
I was also thinking about the typical book heroine
headstrong, bold, kind of obnoxious, always unique
and I thought "why aren't there ever any quiet mild mannered heroines"
and then I realized
it's the people that stand up and do something that are really making beautiful words out of their lives
the possibilities are out there
the choice is ours
because the rest is still unwritten
books are awesome
book analogies are even better
Apr 25, 2011
I like beautiful things
"well I like to eat, sleep, drink, and fall in love"
I love that line
I read it in English today in a Langston Hughes poem (who I don't generally like)
I like how it makes love seem like something natural
and necessary
I love beautiful poetry
I love beautiful writing
when I went with my mother, sister, and grandma to the thirty strangers in thirty days photoshoot, the photographer asked me what I like to do.
I told him I dance.
he asked me why
I was kind of taken off guard by that, since I don't really get asked that very often, and especially not by strangers.
so I said "because it's fun"
he said "well water skiing is fun, too, but you didn't say that, did you?"
so I said "because it's beautiful"
and he said "so you like beautiful things, do you?"
and I laughed and he kept taking pictures.
but really
I do like beautiful things.
I think it's safe to say we all like beautiful things
I like inspiring and raw things.
I like dancing when I'm sweating and it's hard but because I make something beautiful.
I like reading poetry and books that have words laced so beautifully together I could cry reading them.
I like beautiful things. I like to find beauty in things. the photographer may have been just making a comment, but I thought it was lovely. because we all strive for beauty in our lives in different ways. I get my fix through dance and poetry and nature. you might find something else beautiful, but whatever it is you should surround yourself with it.
you've got every right to a beautiful life
I love that line
I read it in English today in a Langston Hughes poem (who I don't generally like)
I like how it makes love seem like something natural
and necessary
I love beautiful poetry
I love beautiful writing
when I went with my mother, sister, and grandma to the thirty strangers in thirty days photoshoot, the photographer asked me what I like to do.
I told him I dance.
he asked me why
I was kind of taken off guard by that, since I don't really get asked that very often, and especially not by strangers.
so I said "because it's fun"
he said "well water skiing is fun, too, but you didn't say that, did you?"
so I said "because it's beautiful"
and he said "so you like beautiful things, do you?"
and I laughed and he kept taking pictures.
but really
I do like beautiful things.
I think it's safe to say we all like beautiful things
I like inspiring and raw things.
I like dancing when I'm sweating and it's hard but because I make something beautiful.
I like reading poetry and books that have words laced so beautifully together I could cry reading them.
I like beautiful things. I like to find beauty in things. the photographer may have been just making a comment, but I thought it was lovely. because we all strive for beauty in our lives in different ways. I get my fix through dance and poetry and nature. you might find something else beautiful, but whatever it is you should surround yourself with it.
you've got every right to a beautiful life
Apr 19, 2011
conformity sucks
"Look closely at the present you are constructing
it should look like the future you are dreaming"
-Alice Walker
i woke up this morning and i made a resolution.
here is what led up to this:
i cleaned out my room this weekend, and found so many things from my childhood that had been hiding out in my room. i remembered what it was like to be me five years ago. i used to write all the time. i would write stories in my spare time and ask my family to read them and give me corrections. i was pretty good at it, too. my childhood imagination came up with some pretty great things. i used to draw, too. i used to get good grades in school and my teachers would send notes home that said great things about me. i had a book full of songs that i wrote, and i even dabbled in rap music (haha). i used to play the piano and guitar. i used to imagine my neighbors houses were drive through restaurants and banks and that when i turned my bike upside down it became an ice cream stand. i used to sell lavendar bushels on the side of the road. i used to play pocahontas at my church, where the grass islands were surrounded by water and we each had our own island. i used to let my imagination run wild. i used to wear two pigtails on different spots on my head. all of these things and more surfaced while i was going through my room. i was having a very nostalgic afternoon.
man, i had a great childhood.
which, of course, led me to think of my present day life.
i dont write for fun anymore. actually, i dont even write for school anymore. i dont write songs or play the guitar/ukulele/piano like i used to. i dont ride my bike to neighbors houses and pretend to withdraw a million dollars to go to the mcdonalds next door. i dont play outside everyday. i dont sit and imagine the possibilities.
this was a depressing realization. what had i been doing with my time, then? dance. facebook. ipod.sleep. these things have taken over my whole life. (notice that homework was not one of those things.... i should be doing more of that).
now, one day i was on the internet and looking at one of my favorite writer's blog. her name is keri smith and she writes some of my favorite books. my lovely sister introduced me to these. they speak to our soul.
keri smith wrote this lovely essay on how she discovered what she should be doing in life. (you can find that here)
it should look like the future you are dreaming"
-Alice Walker
i woke up this morning and i made a resolution.
here is what led up to this:
i cleaned out my room this weekend, and found so many things from my childhood that had been hiding out in my room. i remembered what it was like to be me five years ago. i used to write all the time. i would write stories in my spare time and ask my family to read them and give me corrections. i was pretty good at it, too. my childhood imagination came up with some pretty great things. i used to draw, too. i used to get good grades in school and my teachers would send notes home that said great things about me. i had a book full of songs that i wrote, and i even dabbled in rap music (haha). i used to play the piano and guitar. i used to imagine my neighbors houses were drive through restaurants and banks and that when i turned my bike upside down it became an ice cream stand. i used to sell lavendar bushels on the side of the road. i used to play pocahontas at my church, where the grass islands were surrounded by water and we each had our own island. i used to let my imagination run wild. i used to wear two pigtails on different spots on my head. all of these things and more surfaced while i was going through my room. i was having a very nostalgic afternoon.
man, i had a great childhood.
which, of course, led me to think of my present day life.
i dont write for fun anymore. actually, i dont even write for school anymore. i dont write songs or play the guitar/ukulele/piano like i used to. i dont ride my bike to neighbors houses and pretend to withdraw a million dollars to go to the mcdonalds next door. i dont play outside everyday. i dont sit and imagine the possibilities.
this was a depressing realization. what had i been doing with my time, then? dance. facebook. ipod.sleep. these things have taken over my whole life. (notice that homework was not one of those things.... i should be doing more of that).
now, one day i was on the internet and looking at one of my favorite writer's blog. her name is keri smith and she writes some of my favorite books. my lovely sister introduced me to these. they speak to our soul.
keri smith wrote this lovely essay on how she discovered what she should be doing in life. (you can find that here)
you have to read this essay.
i could relate to the whole thing. she basically realized that she wasn't where she was supposed to be in life, so she created a life that she could blossom in, full of inspiration and creative outlets. my mom is so very creative and so are each of her children, so she has taught us many ways to let our creativity go. that is probably why i had such a creative and imaginative childhood. keri smith went through school being told she was unoriginal, so she spent her time either skipping school or waiting till school was over so she could go home and create her own world.
her seven rules are:
1. you are invincible
2. you can create your own worlds/universes
3. convention sucks
4. mistakes are good (as long as they don't kill you)
5. the answers are everywhere
6. reading is crucial
7. question everything
she created the kind of world she could live in where she felt inspired and could be who she wanted. she questioned every rule that she was given. now, she is trying to teach others what she now knows.
it's time that we all fall in love with life again.
i could relate to the whole thing. she basically realized that she wasn't where she was supposed to be in life, so she created a life that she could blossom in, full of inspiration and creative outlets. my mom is so very creative and so are each of her children, so she has taught us many ways to let our creativity go. that is probably why i had such a creative and imaginative childhood. keri smith went through school being told she was unoriginal, so she spent her time either skipping school or waiting till school was over so she could go home and create her own world.
her seven rules are:
1. you are invincible
2. you can create your own worlds/universes
3. convention sucks
4. mistakes are good (as long as they don't kill you)
5. the answers are everywhere
6. reading is crucial
7. question everything
she created the kind of world she could live in where she felt inspired and could be who she wanted. she questioned every rule that she was given. now, she is trying to teach others what she now knows.
which is when i realized, i've been living someone elses dream. what kind of future was i constructing? i'd been living without inspiration. i haven't questioned anything. i've been stifling everything that has made me an individual. high school sucks. conformity sucks. convention sucks. the biggest thing i think anyone should learn is how to let your soul do what it wants (as long as it doesn't kill you) without letting anyone else make you feel inferior. who cares if you wear your pigtails on different sides of your head? i think its amazing how people create their own rules to follow and do not question why. by no means am i excluding myself from this. this is what i am coming to explain.
and now here is my resolution:
i want to know what keri smith knows. i want to be someone who does what they want and wears what they want and says what they want and questions everything they see as something beautiful and intricate and amazing. i want to see everything as magical again. i want to write stories and songs and get lost in everything like i did when i was ten. i want to live my life with inspiration. i want to feed my soul and learn and become better everyday. i want to explore. i never want to forget what makes life beautiful and worthwhile. i want to be myself even if people think i'm crazy. who decides what crazy is anyways? i want to fall in love with life again.
when i was ten, i knew these things. i knew what i liked and didnt care if no one else liked it. i've always wanted to do something different than everyone else.
it just took some spring cleaning to realize these things. in order to have the future i want, i need to live it now.
so today, i'm going to ride my bike and paint flower pots with my sister. i am going to make a jar full of wishes. i'm going to tell the people i love that i love them and i'm going to wear my hair however i want.
i want to know what keri smith knows. i want to be someone who does what they want and wears what they want and says what they want and questions everything they see as something beautiful and intricate and amazing. i want to see everything as magical again. i want to write stories and songs and get lost in everything like i did when i was ten. i want to live my life with inspiration. i want to feed my soul and learn and become better everyday. i want to explore. i never want to forget what makes life beautiful and worthwhile. i want to be myself even if people think i'm crazy. who decides what crazy is anyways? i want to fall in love with life again.
when i was ten, i knew these things. i knew what i liked and didnt care if no one else liked it. i've always wanted to do something different than everyone else.
it just took some spring cleaning to realize these things. in order to have the future i want, i need to live it now.
so today, i'm going to ride my bike and paint flower pots with my sister. i am going to make a jar full of wishes. i'm going to tell the people i love that i love them and i'm going to wear my hair however i want.
it's time that we all fall in love with life again.
Sep 13, 2010
it's pretty normal
it's pretty normal to want to be alone sometimes. it's pretty okay to sit by yourself and be quiet. I think people get confused and say that someone who is shy is something negative. I am shy, yes. insecure, maybe. but only because society says it's wrong to be shy. this is the story of my life these days. i tell myself what i'm doing is not normal or cool. i think one thing and my brain latches onto and spins off in another direction with a completely different thought. I tell myself it's not normal to be quiet. but really, i like to be quiet sometimes. theres times to be loud, too, of course. but i enjoy sitting and watching the world like im not a part of it sometimes. i like to imagine what motivates people to do what they do. and I like myself. I like my friends, my family, my life. I like that my emotions are so gosh dang strong, even though it does become a hassle in situations. I like being a human being. well, I guess this is my motivational speech to myself today. go get em, Hannah. ha but really, I like what makes me different from the other cookie cutter high school girls. I like being an individual. I don't have to be one a loud individual and show everyone I want to be different. nope, that's okay for those guys. it's pretty normal to be quiet. if we would all stop telling ourselves it isn't
Aug 15, 2010
belief
I believe I can challenge myself
I believe things always get worse before they get better
I believe people are most beautiful when they are honest and raw
I believe in positive reinforcement
I believe everything is beautiful even if it doesn't seem so at first
I believe in fate
I believe a dad is a girls first love
I believe music can speak to your soul
I believe doctor Clark eckleburg can fix any broken heart
I believe in free expression
I believe we are only held back by our insecurities because I believe we can do the impossible
I believe in loving someone just because
I believe in home
I believe in trusting my heart
I believe in ghosts
I believe in equality and humility
I believe everyone has something to teach you
I believe in soul best friends
I believe we are our own worst enemies
I believe in God
I believe we can love more than we let ourselves
I believe in karma
I believe in my friends
I believe laughter really is the best medicine
I believe in animal rights
I believe in a free country
I believe you cannot make a judgement about someone until you've met them three times
I believe in love at first sight
I believe in soul mates
I believe youth really is wasted on the young
I believe in magic
I believe you need to love yourself before you can truly love others
I believe sometimes paradise isn't all it's cracked up to be
I believe every girl is a princess
I believe we all have the potential to be something great but only some of us rise to the challenge
I believe we are all given trials, but what defines us from others is how we deal with them
I want to believe in myself
I want to believe
even though it's easier to doubt
belief makes things feel alright
I believe things always get worse before they get better
I believe people are most beautiful when they are honest and raw
I believe in positive reinforcement
I believe everything is beautiful even if it doesn't seem so at first
I believe in fate
I believe a dad is a girls first love
I believe music can speak to your soul
I believe doctor Clark eckleburg can fix any broken heart
I believe in free expression
I believe we are only held back by our insecurities because I believe we can do the impossible
I believe in loving someone just because
I believe in home
I believe in trusting my heart
I believe in ghosts
I believe in equality and humility
I believe everyone has something to teach you
I believe in soul best friends
I believe we are our own worst enemies
I believe in God
I believe we can love more than we let ourselves
I believe in karma
I believe in my friends
I believe laughter really is the best medicine
I believe in animal rights
I believe in a free country
I believe you cannot make a judgement about someone until you've met them three times
I believe in love at first sight
I believe in soul mates
I believe youth really is wasted on the young
I believe in magic
I believe you need to love yourself before you can truly love others
I believe sometimes paradise isn't all it's cracked up to be
I believe every girl is a princess
I believe we all have the potential to be something great but only some of us rise to the challenge
I believe we are all given trials, but what defines us from others is how we deal with them
I want to believe in myself
I want to believe
even though it's easier to doubt
belief makes things feel alright
why I can't sleep tonight....
it's 10:57
which is really not that late
but I've been laying here
in my new sheets
for 2 hours
waiting for sleep
but something new keeps coming up in my head to think about.
so what do you do when that happens?
apparently blog about it
I used to be excited about being artistic director but now I have no motivation to be there. I need to be happy and nice for the girls but I am having such a hard time getting myself to do it. I don't know what it is. I'm tired of feeling like my life is a collapsing building. I'm tired of feeling like life is rushing past me in the wrong direction. I ran away today but it didn't really count because I was a five minute drive away and there were too many people giving me looks like I was a homeless person so I went home. I am very tired of saying good bye to my best friends. it's happened more than I have cared for it to. I don't want to be stuck here without them. but I am. and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm tired of having these battles in my head, trying to talk myself in and out of things. I'm tired of switching from happy to sad every five minutes. I'm pretty tired of a lot of things right now, but not tired enough to sleep, I guess.
sometimes I would just like to lay down in the grass and just sink into the earth and have life go on without me. I don't mean that how you think.
I would just like to figure out who I am now, please. I thought I knew before, but according to others I was not acting like myself. I was acting strange. I felt most confident then. but then my building collapsed again by the person I thought loved me the most. everyday is a battle.
is this even helping me sleep? no. I'm only writing this because I want someone to listen. I don't even know what good that will do.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
which is really not that late
but I've been laying here
in my new sheets
for 2 hours
waiting for sleep
but something new keeps coming up in my head to think about.
so what do you do when that happens?
apparently blog about it
I used to be excited about being artistic director but now I have no motivation to be there. I need to be happy and nice for the girls but I am having such a hard time getting myself to do it. I don't know what it is. I'm tired of feeling like my life is a collapsing building. I'm tired of feeling like life is rushing past me in the wrong direction. I ran away today but it didn't really count because I was a five minute drive away and there were too many people giving me looks like I was a homeless person so I went home. I am very tired of saying good bye to my best friends. it's happened more than I have cared for it to. I don't want to be stuck here without them. but I am. and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm tired of having these battles in my head, trying to talk myself in and out of things. I'm tired of switching from happy to sad every five minutes. I'm pretty tired of a lot of things right now, but not tired enough to sleep, I guess.
sometimes I would just like to lay down in the grass and just sink into the earth and have life go on without me. I don't mean that how you think.
I would just like to figure out who I am now, please. I thought I knew before, but according to others I was not acting like myself. I was acting strange. I felt most confident then. but then my building collapsed again by the person I thought loved me the most. everyday is a battle.
is this even helping me sleep? no. I'm only writing this because I want someone to listen. I don't even know what good that will do.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)