belief

I believe I can challenge myself
I believe things always get worse before they get better
I believe people are most beautiful when they are honest and raw
I believe in positive reinforcement
I believe everything is beautiful even if it doesn't seem so at first
I believe in fate
I believe a dad is a girls first love
I believe music can speak to your soul
I believe doctor Clark eckleburg can fix any broken heart
I believe in free expression
I believe we are only held back by our insecurities because I believe we can do the impossible
I believe in loving someone just because
I believe in home
I believe in trusting my heart
I believe in ghosts
I believe in equality and humility
I believe everyone has something to teach you
I believe in soul best friends
I believe we are our own worst enemies
I believe in God
I believe we can love more than we let ourselves
I believe in karma
I believe in my friends
I believe laughter really is the best medicine
I believe in animal rights
I believe in a free country
I believe you cannot make a judgement about someone until you've met them three times
I believe in love at first sight
I believe in soul mates
I believe youth really is wasted on the young
I believe in magic
I believe you need to love yourself before you can truly love others
I believe sometimes paradise isn't all it's cracked up to be
I believe every girl is a princess
I believe we all have the potential to be something great but only some of us rise to the challenge
I believe we are all given trials, but what defines us from others is how we deal with them


I want to believe in myself
I want to believe
even though it's easier to doubt
belief makes things feel alright
  
 

why I can't sleep tonight....

it's 10:57
which is really not that late
but I've been laying here
in my new sheets
for 2 hours
waiting for sleep
but something new keeps coming up in my head to think about.
so what do you do when that happens?
apparently blog about it

I used to be excited about being artistic director but now I have no motivation to be there. I need to be happy and nice for the girls but I am having such a hard time getting myself to do it. I don't know what it is. I'm tired of feeling like my life is a collapsing building. I'm tired of feeling like life is rushing past me in the wrong direction. I ran away today but it didn't really count because I was a five minute drive away and there were too many people giving me looks like I was a homeless person so I went home. I am very tired of saying good bye to my best friends. it's happened more than I have cared for it to. I don't want to be stuck here without them. but I am. and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm tired of having these battles in my head, trying to talk myself in and out of things. I'm tired of switching from happy to sad every five minutes. I'm pretty tired of a lot of things right now, but not tired enough to sleep, I guess.
sometimes I would just like to lay down in the grass and just sink into the earth and have life go on without me. I don't mean that how you think.
I would just like to figure out who I am now, please. I thought I knew before, but according to others I was not acting like myself. I was acting strange. I felt most confident then. but then my building collapsed again by the person I thought loved me the most. everyday is a battle.
is this even helping me sleep? no. I'm only writing this because I want someone to listen. I don't even know what good that will do.

I feel like I'm going crazy.